Stupid Wig Tricks

Here are some tricks I can do with my wig.

I can alarm everyone around me by shifting my scull 1 or 2 inches back and forth away from my face. I can get the same reaction when I lift my wig off my head. I do this a lot in public. I know I shouldn’t. I should try keep up the appearance that the hair is real, but I fuss with the wig because my head is hot and sweaty. I need a little air up there. I am totally into comfort now, so I really don’t care. David and Emma would rather I don’t do these tricks in public.

Sometimes my wig shifts off my head when I don’t want it to. When it is windy, I have to put my hand on my head to make sure the wig doesn’t blow off, just like a hat. One time David took a turn too quickly in the car and my wig slipped off. This either tells you something about David’s driving or the how precariously my wig sits on my head.

I often lose my wig in the house just like I lose my keys and shoes. This is because as soon as I walk in the door, I rip the wig off. I might put the wig on the dining room table, the couch, the bookcase. Anywhere - just not on my head. I know I should carefully place the wig on its stand. But I don’t like my wig. I don’t treat it nicely.

One time I started out the evening with the wig on. I kept my wig on in the restaurant, but I didn’t want to sit through a movie with a hot, itchy head. So, I went into the bathroom, pulled the wig off, stuffed it into my purse and slipped a black ski cap on. I felt like a spy the way I changed my look so quickly in a bathroom stall. This was great because for some time I have actually wanted to be a spy, more specifically an undercover intelligence officer with a covert identity working in a foreign country. I think I could really do this because I can pass for a variety of nationalities, I speak Spanish and I am a good listener. With a collection of various passports and wigs, I know I could pull it off.