Stranded in the Dairy Section

For those not familiar with Austin grocery stores, here is a primer: Austin is the home of Whole Foods. I have lived long enough in Austin to remember the original Whole Foods, a hippy grocery store with creaky wooden floors and florescent lighting. There are two really wonderful Whole Foods here in Austin including the flagship store for the entire company.




In addition to Whole Foods, Austin also has two Central Markets. Like Whole Foods, Central Market is a foodie paradise. Central Market is owned by HEB, but there is nothing HEBish about Central Market. We like Central Market more because it is closer to our house and because of the kid friendly Café which hosts lots of great local musicians. There is one little annoying, quirky thing about Central Market: the store layout. To prevent people from running in and out, Central Market aisles are laid out like a maze. Shoppers are forced to start in the produce section and then work their way through the meat, wine, diary, bakery, deli, prepared food and finally to the checkout counters. The idea is to encourage more time in the store, which means more sales.



So, last weekend, I was shopping in Central Market. By accident, I found myself in Central Market’s “Chocolate Covered Everything” weekend extravaganza. I had worked my way to the diary section when I was overcome with exhaustion. I needed a chair, but they don’t have chairs in grocery stores, much less at Central Market.

All around me, happy, energized people were sampling chocolate covered everything (pineapples, tofu, nuts, peppers, etc). Everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives…pick up a little soy milk here, grab a few Kalamata olives from the olive bar there, get a loaf of black bean chipotle bread here, can’t forget the cactus pears there, a little pumpkin seed pesto just in case…... All of these busy foodies were swirling around me with their carts full of organic, locally grown, free-range, hormone-free stuff. As for me, I was exhausted. Forget the cage-free eggs, just get me a folding chair!

At this point, I allowed myself to feel sorry for myself. It actually felt very good to feel pathetic…. “Poor, sorry me. I don’t even have the energy to go grocery shopping. And if I can’t go to Central Market and buy expensive, exotic food that is not on my shopping list, then there simply is no more joy in my life.”

With no chair for relief, I just leaned heavily on my shopping cart and inched my way through the maze to the checkout counters. I collapsed when I got home.

Grocery shopping is just one of my many failed attempts to be “normal” again. Oddly, the fact that my cancer is gone has caused me stress and frustration. I keep thinking I am normal again, yet I am really not. I am still very tired, yet I want to jump back into life because I am in remission. I need to keep reminding myself that fatigue is the number one side effect of chemo and the effects are cumulative. I haven’t really bounced back from chemo treatment #5. I have my last chemo treatment a week from today. This too will pass.