Cool!

I have been in denial about my hair loss since my last post. I have not brushed or washed it in several days since this is the way it comes out. I have been keeping it in a hair net so that all my loose hair doesn't keep falling all over the place.

Yesterday I was forced to deal with my hair because I was going out for a doctor's appointment. I started brushing it, but I had to stop because my brush filled completely with hair after only a few strokes. Then I got fistfuls of hair just by running my hands through my hair.

Later in the afternoon, I went to pick up Emma after school. As we were leaving her building, Emma noticed that I was running my hand through my hair and getting clumps of hair. She asked me about this. I have been wondering how I would tell her about my hair loss. I was worried she would be scared or freaked out. I decided this was the best time. I told her casually as I opened the car door that the medicine I was taking was making my hair fall out. She stopped and looked at me and asked, "Are you going to be bald?" I looked back at her blankly and said, "Yes." Her eyes lit up. Emma responded with, "COOL." All of a sudden my hair loss was "cool." In the eyes of a 6-year old, a bald mama was "cool."

I continued to pull strands of hair out as I was driving home. Emma asked, "Can I do that?" Emma thought it would be fun to pull her mama's hair out. So now Emma's treat is to sit and pull clumps of hair out of my head. Sometimes she pulls hair that is not yet loose. At this point I yell, but it feels somewhat nurturing to have my daughter gently pull at my hair. She is helping me to see the inevitable novelty of my loss.