Well, the other shoe has still not dropped yet. Over the weekend, I continued to feel energized because of the steroids. I have an appetite and like the doctor warned me, it is hard to turn my mind off of night. Seems kind of cruel to let a recently diagnosed cancer patient’s mind run all night long. My middle of the night energy explains that first blog posting at 2:04 AM. I will be on steroids for two more days. They tell me I might start feeling the effects of chemo this week.
Before this cancer business rudely interrupted my life, I was a little vague about the nature of chemotherapy. Did you drink it, swallow it, inject it? Well, now I know chemo medicine is shot directly into your veins through an IV. Some people have the drugs injected into a vein in the arm, but I get my stuff via my “PORT!” A port is a device that allows easy, long term IV access into my aorta rather than going through the pain of all the sticks into my arm. There are two parts: the injection port where they stick the needle into me and the long, thin tube that is threaded underneath my skin into the major artery in my chest.
I had this thing surgically implanted on Wednesday of last week into my upper right part of my body right below my right collarbone. I feel sort of bionic when I hear the nurses talk about “accessing my port.” It took me several days before I could look at it. I can only just can glance at it now. It weirds me out to have an object inside of me. They tell me I might make metal detectors go off at the airport.
Emma didn’t seem particularly moved by seeing this thing in my upper chest, but in my attempt to take away the trauma by sharing, I decided to show the port to one of Emma’s little friends over the weekend. I think I made a mistake. Her little friend looked a little stunned. I felt bad. This port should come out after I am free and clear of the need for more chemo.
So the chemo is infused into my system while I sit in a nice, big, light green leather lazy boy recliner in the “infusion room” along with all the other chemo patients. I sat for about 4 hours each day. I am getting treated a very new facility here in Austin on 38th just across from Central Market. The ‘infusion room” has the atmosphere of a nice upscale coffee house with nice lighting. The room is huge. It looked like the room could hold about 24 patients. Each oncology nurse cares for 4 patients at his/her station. Beside each light green lazy boy recliner, there is a nice upholstered chair for the friend or family “chemo sitter.” Natural light is everywhere because of all the big windows. Someone really thought of everything. Even the florescent lighting in the ceiling is vented to make the artificial light less harsh. And the nice fake hardwood floors just make everything seem less medicinal.
When I first sat down in my lazy boy, I just couldn’t hold back the tears. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. A lady in another lazy boy smiled at me. I felt a little better. Perhaps the communal aspect of the therapy was good. Most people sleep, read, or quietly talk to their chemo sitter. I was thankful nobody requested the TVs to be put on. It was warm and peaceful in the infusion room as we all sat quietly fighting for our lives.
3 comments:
Hey, Gigi -
Roland and I are thinking of you, and we'll be checking in on you regularly online.
Congrats on the port. It really is a cool little doohickey. Roland didn't get his right away, so the veins in his arms took a beating from the chemo treatments for a while... Once the port was implanted, no more vein pain.
All that's left of it now is a thin little scar just below his right collarbone.
So many recollections came flooding back when I read your description of the infusion room... I couldn't help crying either, the first time I sat in one with Roland. Luckily he was reading at the time and didn't notice.
That sense of disbelief and disorientation can catch you quite by surprise... Thank goodness for the chemo nurses. They were warm, caring, capable, supportive women; I am grateful for them.
Love to you, and to David and Emma.
VZ
Hi Gigi,
John and I are thinking of you! Sorry we've been so far away for so long. Hang in there.
Nina
Gigi,
hi! As Joe Pesci says, I'm *with* you! I hope I can give you some kind of meaningful support or help. I am very glad you are making this a time of connecting to us. Though, as Sally said, I will*perfectly*understand if there comes a time when you feel like laying low.
another thing -- wow, I didn't realize -- you are such a good writer. When I read your sentence
"It was warm and peaceful in the infusion room as we all sat quietly fighting for our lives"
-- not only was it poignant, but I thought, this is exactly this sort of writing held up for us as models in expository writing class in college. (Veronica still likes to tell stories about the stories a couple of us told her about this wild and wacky instructor we had.) Are you interested in the craft of writing, and doing things like sharing ideas with other writers -- of fiction, poetry, journalism, science,... pseudorandom number generation :-) ?
I'm looking forward to checking back here and sharing in the warmth, hijinx, and whatever else people end up contributing.
Roland
"When you're going through hell,... keep going."
-- I forget who
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