How is Emma doing?

The next question I am often asked is “How is Emma?” Emma has probably been the hardiest of us all. She clearly sees that I have been sick. We have never mentioned the word “cancer,” but she knows about the “bad spot in my tummy,” my treatments and my port. We once let her peek into the transfusion room (kids under 14 are not allowed into the room). When I am feeling really bad and can’t tuck her into bed, she tucks me into bed. This is really very sweet.

We haven’t seen any noticeable behavioral changes in her as a result of my illness. She continues to be a happy, social little girl. When we tell her that I will be better after my last treatment, she says, “Of course mama will get better!” She likes to sing to herself. She also likes to do song and dance routines in front of the mirror. Everything she puts her hands on has the potential to come alive with a personality and a story line. This morning the red magnets were making friends with the blue magnets. Last night she put all her stuffed animals to bed in sets of two. Each little baby stuffed animal went to sleep in the arms of either their mommy or daddy stuffed animal.

There was only one time that suggested Emma knows exactly what is going on. Before the chemo treatments started when I was hunched over in pain and short of breath, I told Emma I was very sick, but I would get better. As she softly caressed my face, she said I was beautiful and like in the fairy tales, beautiful things are always taken away. I quickly told her this was not true! But I realized why fairy tales, with their tragic storylines have endured through time. They help all of us, especially children, understand the tragedies of life.

Emma often makes “Get Well” cards for me. Here are a few of her pieces. These cards break my heart. I usually cry when she gives them to me. She has learned that crying can mean happy and that I think crying is a very good thing.