How is David doing?

When I talk to people, one of the questions people always ask is, “How’s David doing?” This is an important question. If you were to ask David directly how he was doing, he would say, “Uh, um, uh, I’m doing OK.” And that would be all you would get. Now if you ask ME, how he is doing, you would get an earful, in this case you’re going to get a screen full.

First, a little background…at our wedding reception in San Francisco in 2000, David’s brother, Daniel, gave a very funny toast and made a somewhat vague (or maybe not so vague) reference to David being lazy. I caught the exchange of knowing glances between David’s mother and grandmother. Now seven years into this, I would be in on that exchange of glances.

But things have changed around here. David fixes dinner. David puts the dishes in the dishwasher. He puts the dishes away. He scrubs the pans. He goes shopping. He washes the sheets. When he is done cooking and cleaning, he deals with the medical bills. He gets Emma to bed and off to school. He arranges weekend activities. In between all his chores, he stops by the couch to ask me if he can do anything for me. He has been doing all of this while maintaining regular teaching and research responsibilities at UT.

Before I got sick, David would look up from his book and thank me for everything I did. I would stare blankly back at him and thank him for noticing. Now HE is the one thanking me for just noticing.

I have felt better recently, so now I am jumping in and helping around the house. I was once the caregiver for my sick Dad and Aunt some years back, so I know how burnout can eat at the best intentions.

In addition, David has been like a patient advocate for me. He goes to all my doctor appointments. He helps me remember what the doctor says and asks really good questions. When he is around, I feel safe and cared for.

Here’s to David and all the other caregivers out there who do everything possible for their loved one—whether it is noticed or not.


David and Emma during our trip to Mexico last summer.







Here is a picture from David’s senior year high school yearbook (1983). David is standing next to a cool guy. (Uh, David would be the one with the jacket zippered up to his chin.) If David looks confident here, it is not because he got to stand next to the cool guy. It is because he was the math team Co-Captain.